Is there a magic formula to child rearing?
If there is, it surely would have to start with:
Get in on the bottom floor and stay with them all the way.
To simply lay down rules will not work.
As Josh McDowell said:
Rules without Relationship lead to Rebellion.
Kids need you. They know when a part of you is missing.
I like this epigram from Ashleigh Brilliant:
J. Krishnamurti wisely said:
“Action has meaning only in relationship, and without understanding relationship, action on any level will only breed conflict. The understanding of relationship is infinitely more important than the search for any plan of action.”
What makes the difference between a GOOD relationship and a bad one?
Kids need EYE CONTACT, TOUCH, and COMMUNICATION.
According to research:
“Deprivation can lead to developmental delays, while hugs may reduce depression, improve heart health and trigger compassion”
Psychologists call the relationship needed for human development an attachment relationship.
To grow well, we need others to be attached to.
Ones who LOVE us.
Gabor Mate, MD, says:
“From an understanding of the child . . . and the heartfelt commitment parents bring to the task of child rearing…arise[s] the spontaneous and compassionate wisdom that is the source of successful parenting.” (From ‘Hold Onto Your Kids – Why parents need to matter more than peers, by Gordon Neufeld, PhD., and Gabor Maté, M.D.)
A child is aware of others NOT noticing them. We all are, really. They may unconsciously wonder, “Why should I care about me?”
You may be the only one to answer that question – in the way you notice your children.
HOW do we notice them?
Is it with hopeful expectation of a positive result, or with dread and suspicion of something awful that they will become?
At the store the other day I saw a mom scowling at her child. A frown, piercing eyes and forehead furrowing, her face and body language seemed to scream hatred.
That kind of attention will only bring fear, and not cooperation and self-regulation.
How do you view your child?
I don’t think we realize how we appear most of the time.
If inwardly, we are not paying attention, they will be aware of it.
A mom was vacuuming the house with gloom on her face.
Noticing this, her little girl asked, “Are you happy, Mom?”
When her mom said, “Yes”, the girl’s response was, “Then why doesn’t your FACE say it?”
Projecting a positive attitude while hoping for the best will show on your face, your body language, and everything you do.
If you can master the art of these two things, RELATIONSHIP and ATTITUDE, you will make your child feel important enough to pay attention to developing themselves, too.
“Make the most of yourself. For that is all there is of you.” ~ Emerson.