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Many parents look at discipline as a HARSH thing - a 'solemn office', when it is truly nothing more than guiding a child to see that:
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THEIR actions affect OTHERS, that
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THEIR energy is VALUABLE and that
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THEY are NEEDED in the world.
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Sometimes a little thing like FUN can steer them in the right direction, making the right thing seem like MORE FUN than the wrong thing (in the long run).
However, sometimes parents accidently give the wrong message, and this is what their kids hear:
"I want YOU to be pleasant and have good manners so you won't offend ME, but I want to be able to order YOU around so you will do what I say like a ROBOT!
Who wants to follow THAT? Not me, that's for sure!
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Dwight D. Eisenhower used to say that being a leader is like pulling a string.
“Pull the string,” he said, “and it will follow wherever you wish. Push it, and it will go nowhere at all.”
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We all make mistakes, but you can begin NOW to become the LEADER, acting the way YOU want THEM to act.
It takes a lot of work to be a leader! At one time or another each one of us has probably thought,
"WHAT HAVE I GOTTEN MYSELF INTO?"
It's a lot of work to to act the way I want others to act.
But when we do get ourselves under control, there's hope we can guide our children!
Mahatma Ghandhi did not say:
"Do as I SAY, not as I DO!"
What he DID say was :
"Be the change you wish to see in the world."
We can decide what needs to change to make things better and begin modeling that behavior NOW!
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WHAT KIND OF MOTIVATOR ARE YOU?
Basically there are only 4 ways to motivate a person to act or behave a
certain way.
From the least effective (in the long run) to the best, here are the different
ways:
1-FORCE:
This is where you are basically saying "DO it or else" (Only works short term, with repercussions later)
2-
GUILT: This is where you attempt to make the person feel bad if they don't
help you. (For instance, "Why do you make me suffer like this? I'm
working so hard for you...". Again it is only effective for a short term)
3-INCENTIVES:
The carrot at the end of the stick, the "If you do this, I'll do
that"(When the carrot is gone, the motivation vanishes)
4-LOVE:
A person will go to the ends of the earth, without pay, for someone they
love.
As a wise man once said: “Rules
without Relationship lead to Rebellion”
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So what's the BEST way to motivate your kids to help YOU and teach them to contribute to the family?
You have to HELP them to WANT TO HELP YOU! Once you have that, the rest is easy!
How do you do that?
1- Keep up your relationship with them. (People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care)
2- Be a GOOD EXAMPLE. Show you don't mind 'getting your hands dirty' to help (Your example will speak VOLUMES! If it's a chore, get in there and act like it's FUN. You may be pretending at first, but it WILL be if you're doing it together. Think of Mike Rowe from the show 'Dirty Jobs'!)
3- When you've shown them HOW to do a job the first time, then let them show you they can do it!
Does that sound too much like work? It IS work, but work that reaps a great result in the end, Because you'll end up with 2 workers, not one. Eventually they WILL be doing it on their own. But they need you to be their sparkplug.
HOLD A HIGH VIEW OF YOUR CHILDREN. Not what you see, but what you KNOW them to be capable of.
Generate confidence with an enthusiastic smile on your face, saying, "I KNOW you can DO it!" as you ask them to reach under the toilet to clean it!
Check out more tips on getting your kids to help here!
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The world needs MORE GOOD EXAMPLES!
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