Learn to be a MASTER NEGOTIATOR!
(Works for adults, TOO!)
Helping kids to settle arguments is very important to their ability to get along in life. When children are taught to calmly express themselves in a ‘safe’ environment and to listen patiently as they give others the same courtesy, it will go a long way to growing them into more thoughtful adults who will be able to work out their problems peacefully! This simple technique called Resolve or Report* helps them learn how!
Resolve or Report is a method that teaches kids how to work out their differences. By giving them choices, they are empowered and not left feeling helpless.
When children have an argument or fight, take them aside. Tell them that this is not acceptable behavior and that we must learn to work out our problems peacefully.
First, give them a CHOICE:
Do they want to Resolve it between them peacefully?
Or do they need to Report it to an adult to help “referee” between them?
If they choose the RESOLVE option, they will agree to try to resolve the matter between one another. When they are done, ask how they resolved their disagreement.
If they cannot do it on their own they can choose to REPORT it to an adult to help facilitate.
With EITHER OPTION, they agree to FOLLOW THESE RULES:
1: TAKE TURNS TALKING and LISTENING
They will each get a chance to tell their side of the story. Choose who talks first by tossing a coin (heads or tails) or throwing dice (the highest number goes first), or something similar.
2- TALK CALMLY when it’s your turn, and LISTEN POLITELY when it’s the other person’s turn to talk.
3- When it’s YOUR turn, make “I”, not “YOU” Statements:
——> For instance, “I felt _this_ when you did _that__”
4- SHARE these things:
- HOW YOU felt
- WHAT YOU think happened
- What YOU could have done differently
- How you think the OTHER person felt
- What you feel THEY could have done differently
This technique helps them to see each other’s perspective, making it easier to solve the disagreement. If they cannot RESOLVE the issue between them by themselves, they can choose to REPORT their side of the story to an adult who can assist in helping them see the other person’s point of view.
Resolve or Report is a way to give kids an understanding that they have options to work things out. Either by resolving issues between them -or- asking that another sit with them while they each take a turn reporting their story. Giving children a choice in resolving their own problems can immediately de-escalate behavior and decrease incidents in the future.
HOW TO STAY ON TARGET – For GOOD!
Everyone wants to think they are right.
Or do we just want to be the ONLY one who is right?
The BEST way to be ‘on target’ for good is to AIM for what is really right. For everyone.
And that means creating PEACE between us.
The only problem is. . .
We may be aiming for peace, but the other person may NOT want peace.
They may WANT to fight.
Fighting and arguing are like a fire.
Imagine that our Self is the house we live in.
What do people DO to protect a house from fire?
One way is to create a ‘fire break’ – an area around it, cleared of all debris that would ignite.
If a fire should start outside that area, it will stop when it gets to the ‘fire break’ , and will not get close enough to burn the house down.
In the same way, the technique called “Resolve or Report” is like a ‘fire break’ creating a safe area around both people, in which they can each express themselves without fear of getting ‘burned’.