Embrace the challenge Children bring – and you will gain skills you need in every part of life!
KIDS TEACH YOU
— 1- To Observe They teach you to PAY ATTENTION to another. And if you don’t watch them they’ll do something to force you to notice them!
2- To Plan Ahead
If you fail to plan, you plan to fail. For example:
When dinner isn’t ready when they are hungry, their screams will make you wish you HAD planned ahead! Want to be a success at something? Success is where Preparation and Opportunity meet. Learn to plan your work and work your plan.
3- To DO – Be Proactive, not REACTIVE (ie: Be ready to be interrupted at the drop of a hat to do whatever needs to be done! See INTERRUPTIBILITY) You learn: Strike while the iron is hot. Don’t wait till things fall apart. Foresight IS better than hindsight. Plant seeds of character by your example. The sooner you face a problem the easier it is to solve.
For instance, the best time to discipline a teenager is when he’s 3 years old!
Understand that there will always be messes, physical or emotional.
Just clean them up as soon as they happen.
Remember: There are 3 kinds of people in the world: Those who make things happen Those who watch things happen And those who wonder WHAT happened! (You don’t want to be that one!)
When done right, being a parent teaches you how to take care of business. Like the CEO of a corporation, you will be ready to handle anything the world can throw at you.
In business, people use Other People’s Money to succeed. In the world of Parenting, you can use Other People’s Work to make the job easier.
Here’s what Deaunna Evans, from Super Moms Coaching said about these 9 tips:
“I just finished reading your amazing 9 TIPS TO KEEP YOU FROM FREAKING OUT!
These 9 tips you give are some excellent FOUNDATIONAL keys to helping parents become more responsive rather than reactive.
So practical. So true…”
My dad once told me “Remember, Ruthie- no matter how hard it gets, there’s always a way through!” You never need to be a victim of circumstance. Learn how to get through and be in control again with these 9 tips.
PS -Speaking of being proactive, I need to ask a big favor.
If you love our work with kids, will you give us a 5 star review on GreatNonprofits?
Ruth Elliott-Hilsdon Founder, Director, EDU DESIGNS, a public-benefit nonprofit charity. Creator: GoMommyGO®, the Registered Trademark of EDU DESIGNS Our Mission is to create and distribute media for the education, motivation and character development of Children. Donate to EDU DESIGNS
Can Comics teach character? Of course they can! It’s all about the STORY!
At my art presentations to kids, whenever I ask the question, “Does anyone here like cartoons?” I get a howling “YES!” from everyone!
The overwhelming popularity of events, such as Comic-Con, are proof that comics and cartoons hit a universal nerve: The Good Guys vs. The Bad Guys.
WHAT DO SUPERHERO COMICS TEACH US?
Superheroes are primarily good examples of courage in the face of adversity, the willingness to bring the bad guys to justice, and protect the innocent. Although the milieu is outlandish and supernatural, it always encompasses a full range of human strength and weaknesses. We are left with the sense that even though we ordinary humans don’t have the power to move mountains or fly, we can still be a force for good in this world. We can still be heroes. That’s what superhero comics teach us.
In the end, superheroes represent human values.
At the heart of each of us is the desire to be victorious over our problems.We need good examples. Superheroes provide an example of strength over tribulations.
The common man, living a life of ‘quiet desperation’, needs hope. Characters like Spiderman, Superman and all the rest highlight the angst we ‘stuff’ in order to tolerate the inane humdrum pace of our lives and for a brief moment give us a sense of power. That little shot of adrenaline provides a boost as a catharsis to get us to FEEL again.
COMIC CONVENTIONS PROVIDE FELLOWSHIP FOR ‘BELIEVERS IN IMAGINATION’
Thousands flock to comic conventions all over the world.
Comics answer the deep need in the human psyche for a Higher Power – someone to take charge. If we can’t identify with Superheroes in real life, then we can at least enjoy the feeling in our imagination.
Nothing comes into being without imagining it first. The fellowship at Comic-cons everywhere gives ‘believers’a place to join in kinship with others to affirm the value of imagination in concrete form.
EDU DESIGNS is working to spur thecharacter and imagination of children through our media and teaching tools.
We need your help! Every penny of your donation goes towards our non-profit’s mission to create media for children’s character development and education. Not a single cent of your gifts go for salaries!
Our Board of Directors generously volunteers their time and energy to create an organization that inspires children to be constructive members of society. That means 100% of your contribution will go to programs that help children, and not for salaries. Every contribution helps! Edu Designs makes careful use of your support. We don’t use a single cent of your gifts for overhead – 100% goes to programs to help children.
Words are powerful things. My mom used to tell me, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.”
I thought sadly to myself, “Yeah. They only hurt your FEELINGS”. And somehow concluded that meant that feelings didn’t matter. Or they weren’t supposed to.
So I began dismissing my feelings, ignoring them and certainly never admitted them to others.
I know I’m not alone in this. How do these kinds of things happen?
I was raised by a loving mom and dad who were not abusive, extremely self-controlled and highly intelligent people. Maybe too intelligent?
At the age of 3, I distinctly remember crying with all of my family standing all around laughing at whatever it was that made me cry. I guess the reason wasn’t important to them, but it just left me feeling that they didn’t care how I felt.
Another time I must have been whining about something. My dad flexed his biceps in an Arnold Schwarzenegger pose and said staunchly, “BE A MAN!”, as though somehow any kind of weakness was a sin — and certainly being a woman meant being less than a man.
It took me years to rejoice in my femininity, to allow myself to be vulnerable, and to express my true feelings without thinking I had to be Spock-like.
The good news is, I got over it!
My own kids were a big part of the cure. Seeing their innocent expressions of feeling made me realize that mine were valuable too. And beautiful to behold.
I’m never going back, either!
I drew this picture as a teenager, when I suddenly realized we are all in the same leaky boat:
Nowadays, connecting with children and their parents at the store, dentist’s office, schools or wherever I go, confirms what I feel deep inside, that:
“It’s OK, I’m You, TOO!”
We all need each other. If you can, will you help? After 27 years in the Animation Industry, Ruth founded the non-profit EDU DESIGNS to create media for children’s character development and education. www.edudesigns.org
As the Keynote speaker to a large group of students recently at a college and career event, various educational organizations offered their options for study in many fields,includingBusiness and Industry, Medical, Veterinary schools,the Navy, andthe Arts.
I asked them this question:
What do these things have in common?
An Apple… A Peanut… and a BABY?
What is it?
They all contain seeds of the future.
Most people see an apple and think of the what the fruit has to offer- not the seed, but Johnny Appleseed saw the possibilities of many apples hidden inside each seed.
The first black botanist, George Washington Carver, was asked how he discovered over 300 uses for the peanut. He replied, “Every day I’d ask God, ‘God, Why did you make the peanut?'”
We are so much bigger than a peanut, imagine the possibilities if we asked, “Why did you make ME?”
As Galadriel from The Lord Of The Rings said:
“Even the smallest person can change the course of the future”
The greatest persons in history all needed their diapers changed as infants. No one starts out fully grown. We all need help from others.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE
People have been trying to share their wisdom and knowledge since time began -through WORDS, BOOKS and ACTIONS. Why? To help others. They want to share what they know and hope someone will unwrap the gift they have to give to the world. It’s all out there for you to find, if you look for it.
Communication is the KEY
Communication is like throwing a ball back and forth.I throw some words at you, then you throw some back to me.Learn to listen attentively to ‘catch’ the ball before you throw yours back! Pay attention intently.Keepchannels of communication open, by letting the ball go back and forth.Learn to think and analyze and communicate your thoughts accurately. And learn to love reading so you can absorb knowledge from other folks who have gone to the trouble of writing it down to share it with YOU!
INFANTS BENEFIT FROM READING!
Have you got a little one? Learning to love READING starts with the first snuggly cuddle with a book while sitting in someone’s lap. I remember the warm fuzzies I got while my mom read to me as a child.
A great idea:
Make an I CAN’ book to begin the lifelong journey to love reading. Use photos of THEM in it, and keep adding pages as they grow!
A tiny infant who can barely lift his head, needs to train their nerves and muscles in order to eventually sit up, stand up and then eventually WALK. It is absolutely an amazing feat. I heard that learning to walk is the hardest thing a person will ever be required do in their entire life. And that means that if we have managed to get through the most difficult thing we will ever be asked to do, then we evidently already have the strength to overcome other struggles that come our way!
“Mighty Oaks from little acorns grow.”
An ‘I CAN’ book is just one way to help your little acorn to begin to see their growth and realize their POTENTIAL!
Will a seed always grow to it’s full potential?
No. A seed can fall into a crack and get stuck. But you’re not a plant – you can get up and walk, so there is always hope. It’s up to YOU, once you’re big enough.
Ralph Waldo Emerson said:
“Make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of You.”
How do we do that?
Ask and it will be given. Seek and you will find. Knock, and the door will be opened. You are not alone in your struggles. There are lots of people all over the place who would want to help you – IF YOU WOULD ONLY ASK THEM! Keep looking and you will find them.
Everyone has a story to tell.
When I was 6 years old, my older sister mentioned she was reading a book she called an ‘autobiography’. When I asked her what that word meant, she said, “That’s when you write down your life’s story.”
Shocked, I exclaimed, “You mean… they’re gonna ask me to write it all DOWN?”
I worried, “But – I’ve forgotten so much, already!”
Then and there, at 6 years old, I sat right down and determined to remember everything that had happened in my life, starting from yesterday, the day before that, and so on, as far back as I could. In the weeks to come I recalled sections of my toddlerhood, snippets of my lifeat a few months of age, and I even remembered being born.
What’s YOUR story?
Everyone wants a life of significance.
Most people look at successful people and imagine their journey looked something like this:
But in reality it probably looked more like this:
How DO you succeed?
Aim for your dearest dreams. If you aim at nothing, you’ll hit it every time. Keep your aim on what you truly yearn for, and the way will be shown for it to come to you.
Abraham Lincoln said:
“You cannot fail, unless you QUIT.”
SEEDS TAKE TIME TO GROW
Progress, however slow, is still progress.
Develop Good Habits, including patience with yourself, and the time it takes to develop into your best self.
DON’T BE AFRAID OF HARD WORK
I always told my kids, and now my students, that all of life involves suffering of one sort or another. You can either suffer doing a job you love, or suffer doing a job you hate. Much better to suffer for something you love. So aim for a job you love. Work hard at developing your talents and abilities towards a field of work you love. Do it with all your might.
Helen Keller said:
I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something. And because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do the something that I can do.”
Remember: Where there is life, there is hope. As long as there are people who need help, there’s a place for you in the world.
This is the message I share with hundreds of students at elementary schools I visit, encouraging them to take advantage of school and learn everything they can while they have the opportunity – before they grow up and are too busy working for a living. I tell them, “Don’t wait. Take advantage of every chance to learn something new. And keep learning. NOW is the only time we ever have.
LITTLE ONES NEED ‘WATERING’ TO GROW
I founded EDU DESIGNS after my 7 kids grew up and I realized there were more children out there who needed positive media and educational resources to lift them up. THEY will become the adults in charge one day, when we are old and need them!
If you believe in our mission, please share this message.
And if you can spare a little ‘water’, please DONATE!
I love the line in a song my husband wrote, “Things take time to happen overnight.”
When dealing with kids, we mustespecially hold on our vision of the future – and their inherent value to keep going.
Don’t look at today’s messes, or you’ll “throw the baby out with the bathwater”. We musn’t give up.
Educate kids WHILE THERE IS STILL HOPE
An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.
“It is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness.”
What happens to those who fall through the cracks because someone gave up on them, or perhaps they gave up on themselves?
Research reveals that people who land in prison have had less education.
This chart illustrates that it costs more to imprison someone for 4 years than it does to provide 13 years of education! The investment of education is much more cost effective, since there is a better chance of the students becoming an asset to the world, and not a liability.
Regardless of the past, WE are here, NOW!
Hold on to the vision of what is possible from the seeds we are planting today – and don’t let go. It’s a lot of work, but worth every life that is impacted.
My mom would say, “Where there’s Life, there’s HOPE.”
Carl Sandburg said,
“A baby is God’s opinion that life should go on.”
Wherever I turn I seem to see new babies popping up everywhere – so there must be a LOT of HOPE happening!
One of my greatest joys is talking with new moms, admiring their little ones and sharing my GoMommyGO charts and cards with them.
Helen Keller said, “I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something. And because I cannot do everything I will not refuse to do the something that I can do.”
I feel the same way. I can only do so much, but all my little efforts piled up might add up to more than I realize one day.
That’s why I love volunteering to help children through EDU DESIGNS. I look to the future and see kids who might be influenced to go in a better direction in life because of something I did.
Like my mom said – “Our effect on others is like the back of our head…We can’t really see it.”
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Are you seeing kids constantly glued to electronic devices?
Are you wishing they’d use their creativity, or worry they won’t develop real life skills?
Then you’ve come to the right place! Take advantage of the resources we have available!
Someday they will thank you for turning off the ‘TV’ and allowing them develop problem solving skills.
Art is one of the BEST ways to motivate and inspire us at ANY age. While I was working in Animation,I found drawing to be calming and therapeutic. While my hands were busy, my mind was free, going deeper into understanding myself and the things that were troubling me. The insights that came were life changing. Along with finding solutions to problems, it was like meditation, but easier to do for someone like myself who has trouble sitting still. I guess I’m still like a kid that way! I believe children can have this type of experience when given the chance to draw. And slow down! Art is not just good for eye-hand coordination. It’s good for mind-heart coordination, too! The positive benefits will help the REST of us when the KIDS today become the ADULTS in charge.
I founded EDU DESIGNS after my 7 kids grew up and I realized there were more children out there who needed positive media and educational resources to lift them up.
Do you ever find yourself running out of ‘love juice’? When my kids were little, even if I started with a full pitcher of love in the morning, sometimes by the end of the day the pitcher would be dry.
There was a pattern. When we were all tired and hungry, frustration could get the better of me. Didn’t have dinner ready by 5 o’clock? It became ‘the witching hour’ and the kids would go bats – whine, cry or fight with each other – drive me crazy, which always got in the way of fixing dinner. It took all my self-control not to yell and to remember what’s really important. There were times I’drun to our bathroom, shut the door, take a deep breath, and cry out, “GOD! HELP ME get through this!”
Beware of running on empty!
What I needed was a ‘refill’ – something for myself – so I’d have something to give those who were most important to me.
Change the pattern.
I began planning to have dinner ready each day before the kids went nuts. For me, a cup of coffee in the afternoon made all the difference, plus a reminder or two on the wall.
I’ve made this special illustration to remind you to take care of yourself, so you can take care of those you love. You can download a high resolution pdf when you make a donation of any size.
Print it up and put it on the wall where you will see it every day. Let it help you, as it helped me, be inspired.
P.P.S. – Love to donate but haven’t any to spare? If you shop online at Amazon, Amazon will donate to EDU DESIGNS every time you shop when you start from smile.amazon.com. Costs you nothing. When they ask you which non-profit to support, just type in EDU DESIGNS, (Sierra Madre, CA).
AmazonSmile is the same Amazon you know. Same products, same prices, same service. And Amazon donates, so it won’t cost you a dime!
Babies LOVE seeing pictures and reading books – especially of themselves! You can thrill your little one and encourage them with how they are growing by making an “I CAN DO” book! Science has clearly shown that the brain of a toddler is faster than ours, so we need to keep them busy learning good things!
When you make an “I CAN DO” Book, it can help build a positive self image in your child, creating an identity based on experiences of accomplishment that give confidence they can succeed in life.
HERE’S HOW TO DO IT
Simply fold a few pieces of paper in half and staple them together to make a blank book. Write their name with a photo of your child on the front. On each page place a picture of one thing he has learned to doand write“I can (“do this”). Begin with the simplest things first. If you are good at taking photos, you can use photos of your child doing the activity. As he learns new things, add them to the book one by one.
READ IT TO THEM!
Each time that you add another picture, show it to him, and as it gets bigger he will see he is growing – and writing his own book of accomplishments, too!
Besides being a great teaching tool, it will be a memory book you will treasure forever!
Here are some examples:
Smile, crawl, sit up, hold a spoon, hold a bottle, hold a cup, feed themself, wipe up high-tray, wipe face, walk, run, put on own shirt, pants, socks, throw a ball, catch a ball, draw a picture, pet the cat or dog nicely, pick up trash and put in the trashcan, comb hair, brush teeth, help sort socks, pick up toys, drink without spilling, wiping up spills on table or floor, water plants, wash hands, take bath, get into bed, carry dish to the table, or back to the kitchen, play with his toys nicely, build something, play with blocks, play-doh, blow bubbles etc.
You can think of lots more as your little one advances to being able to do things like tying shoes, sweeping, making beds, etc.
Help kids find a Positive Self Image
Making an ‘I CAN DO’ book inspires a child with a sense of identity based on a history of good experiences and success at accomplishing goals.
As they get older, you can continue by reinforcing their good behaviors with charts. When they feel a satisfaction from being good, they are more likely to want to continue.
Our mission is inspiring kids to develop good character!
It feels great whenever we hear “Thank You”!
Let us know if this has helped you.
Please give if you can!
Ruth Elliott-Hilsdon, Director, EDU DESIGNS
PS – Larger Resolution Files of the Positive Behaviors Images are available at this page – Enjoy!
Edu Designs makes careful use of your support! We don’t use a single cent of your gifts for salaries – 100% goes to programs to help children.
When I was a kid, the story of Cinderella gave me hope. I identified with her. My two older sisters were sometimes mean. They bossed me around and made me work harder than they did. I felt trodden upon. But when I’d remember what Cinderella went through it encouraged me to take heart and not become bitter. Her story gave me hope that persevering in goodness would benefit me in the long run. And it did.
IT WAS JUST A STORY – WHY DID IT WORK?
We are all Children at Heart . . .
Our brains are better able to understand and recall a concept if it is learned in an emotional setting. A story does this. It creates one. Read more on the impact of stories here.
But we must hurry! Kids are growing up every day, in need of what we offer.
Years ago, my young son came home one day and said, “The reason I went to school wasn’t there today!”
“Why? What happened?”, I asked.
“They took art class out of my day.”
To this day, many districts are still sadly lacking in art. They cut back on their budgets, Art and Music are always the first to go. What we offer schools is a free initial presentation valued at $1,200 (in the educational workplace).
It’s exciting to see what happens when the students begin drawing. They start to discover ways to ‘see what they are looking at’ in a new way! (That’s the title of my Art Book for kids! At the bottom of this page is a link to get your own copy to download and share with someone you love.)
Not only does it give them something to want to go to school for, but it motivates them to love learning and develop good character.
We need your help to continue this vital work!
It’s more important now than ever.
Children are the future.
Can you help?
Ruth Elliott-Hilsdon, Director, EDU DESIGNS
We are an ALL VOLUNTEER Non-Profit. 100% of your donation goes toward sharing our materials, and NOT salaries. You are guaranteed a Tax Deductible Receipt. PLEASE GIVE!
All the votes from supporters, earned EDU DESIGNS the Top Rated Award from Great NonProfits for 2017!
Here’s another way to help:
Do you shop online at Amazon?
Every time you do, Amazon will donate a portion to EDU DESIGNS…
All you need to do is go to smile.amazon.com, and choose Edu Designs as the Non Profit you wish to support 🙂
Then, bookmark the link, so each time you shop, you’ll start shopping from this link: smile.amazon.com.
The Amazon site, with the word “smile“ with a dot after it (.) added in front of the web address “amazon.com” tells you Amazon will donate to our Non Profit! It’s a simple way to help us bring the arts and character to kids, without it costing you a penny!
I was 6 years old when my family got our first TV. Mom would only let us watch The Mickey Mouse Club. I remember the excitement at 5 o’clock when the show would begin – and then the feeling of letdown when it was over. Then Mom would say, “GO OUT AND PLAY!”
Why is ‘TV’ so much fun? When exposed to electronic media, our brains are flooded by a rush of dopamine, whether cartoons, video games or other forms of passive entertainment.
Dopamine is the reward neurochemical that elevates our mood, allows us to feel joy, become motivated, and gives us the readiness to act. Unfortunately, when the excitement is not ‘burned off’ through physical activity, frustration and anxiety can follow. An endless bombardment to media exposure can cause diminishing returns. Our Dopamine receptors become blocked, gradually allowing less and less in, making us need stronger ‘doses’ to get the same thrill we got originally.
[dropshadowbox align=”none” effect=”lifted-both” width=”600px” height=”” background_color=”#ffffff” border_width=”1″ border_color=”#dddddd” ]Symptoms of Dopamine Deficiency are: lack of motivation, fatigue, apathy, procrastination, inability to feel pleasure, low libido, inability to connect with others, sleep problems, mood swings, hopelessness, memory loss, inability to concentrate, inability to complete tasks, engaging in self-destructive behaviors, especially addictions(from: https://bebrainfit.com/increase-dopamine/)[/dropshadowbox]
The same mechanism happens with overeating, which can lead to Type II diabetes. When we eat, Insulin is released, telling a cell to open to receive the ‘food’ (glucose). After exposure to too much sugar, insulin receptors will stop responding, and though our blood may be overloaded with glucose, the cells will not open to utilize it and turn it into energy. This causes a feeling of continual hunger and fatigue, as well as other problems as the excess sugar that’s floating through our clogs our organs.
Whether food or media, there’s only so much we can handle, before our body says, ‘NO.”
[dropshadowbox align=”center” effect=”lifted-both” width=”500px” height=”” background_color=”#ffffff” border_width=”1″ border_color=”#dddddd” ] TOO MUCH “TV” PART OF THE PROBLEM?[/dropshadowbox]
It’s no wonder so many children are beset by ADHD, obesity and other problems these days. Though it seems obvious that too much media, junk food and lack of exercise could be hurting them (and us) we are loathe to admit it, because we are enjoying the convenience of just sitting the kids in front of the TV.
Luckily, there are ways to get around the dopamine-blocking effects of too much media.
Not surprising, according to studies, the answer is: Exercise, Good Diet, Meditation and controlling our exposure to addictive substances. This can restore our dopamine receptors to their healthy state, allowing us start enjoying our lives again.
I am not one of those that say ‘NO’ to all electronic media. To me, MODERATION is the answer. Unfortunately, until a child is old enough to develop SELF Control, it’s up to the parent to train a child in good habits of media use. But that’s hard. There’s no easy way. The jailer is a prisoner, too.
The important influences on children have long been: Family, School, and Friends. But when Television came on the scene, it became both a new friend and also an enemy, opening Pandora’s box to a world of things you can’t ‘un-see’ once you’ve seen them. People you would never let into your house enter through that window if you allow them.
As a parent of 7 children, I saw what the wrong kinds of TV shows could do to my children’s behavior from fine to frenetic in a matter of minutes. I needed to watch with them, to see it from their eyes. If a program’s ‘excitement’ caused emotional distress we would have to discuss it so they could process their feelings before they could be calm again. Many times I would wonder why I ever let them watch the program in the first place. And choose something else the next time.
My aim is to use media’s powerful instructional ability to teach valuable lessons while protecting a child’s vulnerable heart and mind from harm. That’s why I’ve created an art textbook for kids, to develop their brains and hearts through hands-on activities.
Do you agree this is important? Please give us a 5-star rating on Great Non Profits to share your thoughts on what we are doing.
I am grateful for everyone who has already given us a review. Your thoughtfulness will help us reach more children, parents and teachers who need it.
Thank you for reading.
Ruth Elliott-Hilsdon, Founder and Director of EDU DESIGNS
Being thoughtful, caring and sensitive to others is a good thing. Right?
Sure. But if you are an empathetic person who hasn’t learned tocare for yourself, too,you can easily fall into the trap of being used, but not respected. A Doormat.
Feeling Stepped On?
With my first child, I unconsciously feared that if I said ‘no’ to any request, it would cause her emotional damage. By the time she had turned three, I realized I knew NOTHING about handling a toddler-terrorist who hadcome to expect to get her own way.
Luckily I was thrown a life preserver, a book called, ‘Dare To Discipline’, by Dr. James Dobson. It kept me from drowning and gave me the tools I needed. I learned to say, “No”, to deal with temper tantrums, and to stand my ground. Later on I realized:
[dropshadowbox align=”none” effect=”lifted-both” width=”600px” height=”” background_color=”#ffffff” border_width=”1″ border_color=”#dddddd” ]“THE BEST TIME TO DISCIPLINE A TEENAGER IS WHEN THEY ARE THREE YEARS OLD!”[/dropshadowbox]
Through the years I would make new mistakes, but I continued to seek outparenting wisdom from many sources: Chris Thompson, the Toddler-Whisperer;Charlotte Mason, a respected Homeschool expert; and Darlene Lancer, an expert on conquering codependency. All of them helped me examine myself, to uncover the causes of my own tendency to bend over backwards trying to please people, not just my toddler.
All Experts Agree that Kids Should Be Disciplined, but HOW?
Though most parents have admitted to spanking their kids at times,psychologists agree that:
Spanking is hitting, and hitting is harmful.
One behavioral therapist with 25 years experience said,
“There is NEVER a reason to inflict pain on a child. If that is the only way a parent thinks they can gain compliance, they are sadly mistaken. Cultivating mutual respect, consistent limit setting…removes the need to ever have to spank a child. You can’t teach a child to not hit when you are hitting them… I teach positive parenting and collaborative problem solving…so much better than spanking.”
[dropshadowbox align=”none” effect=”lifted-both” width=”600px” height=”” background_color=”#ffffff” border_width=”1″ border_color=”#dddddd” ]“Becoming more self-aware is the key to effective parenting.”~Ruth Elliott-Hilsdon[/dropshadowbox]
The more you can analyze your own feelings and understand what’s really going on inside of YOU, the more you will become aware of what triggers your own anger, and can help you to see what your children are experiencing, too.
SPANKING is not DISCIPLINE. Discipline means ‘CHILD TRAINING’.
Carl Rogers coined the phrase, “UNCONDITIONAL POSITIVE REGARD” which has become synonymous with what children need in order to grow to their full potential as healthy human beings.
An environment that genuinely and openly:
SEES the good in them,
LISTENS to them with empathy and
ACCEPTS them unconditionally.
We all need that.
But especially in infancy, when one is helplessly dependent on parents or caregivers, a child will cling to them for safety and security, and adjust his behavior to assure he doesn’t lose them.
However if it feels unsafe to be who he really is, an infant may unconsciously want to ‘stuff’ that part of himself in order to get along. This can cause all kinds of emotional disconnects later in life, from angry outbursts, panic, fear, self loathing, addictions,an inability to feel one’s own needs or intuition, and more.
Unconditional love does NOT mean you love everything they DO however, and as kids grow past infancy,they also need discipline and guidance to prepare them for life’s challenges.
[dropshadowbox align=”none” effect=”lifted-both” width=”556px” height=”” background_color=”#ffffff” border_width=”1″ border_color=”#dddddd” ]“Though we do have freedom of choice, we do NOT have freedom from the CONSEQUENCES of our choice.” ~Ruth Elliott-Hilsdon[/dropshadowbox]
Children who are not disciplined do not feel loved. So…
LOVE your child as though you won’t have him tomorrow. . .
AndTEACHyour child as though he won’t have YOU tomorrow.
When you tie a growing plant to a stake to protect it from outside forces that would topple it over, you are not being cruel. Discipline is that stake.